During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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