Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize