You're completely useless in the revolution.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
