Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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