I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
