I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
