Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We don't watch enough power rangers
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
