As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
