I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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