PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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