Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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