Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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