I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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