you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
