Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
