I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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