If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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