Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
God I need to hump something, right now.
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