Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
