bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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