I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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