You can't motorboat a personality
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sext me about skeletons
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
