but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You pole danced in your parka.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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