I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
