My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
