why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
