I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
