Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
