everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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