Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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