Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
