also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
