Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
