sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize