I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
