Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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