just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
