i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
