She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
