Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
