Ketchup is God's man juice
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
