U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
