i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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