I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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