Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
