yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
