i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
