I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
