Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My ass is underappreciated
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
