If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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