omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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