member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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