I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
