I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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