Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
