moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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