but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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