Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
