Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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