Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
