He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
