Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
