I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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