UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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