im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
