Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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