OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
