to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize