1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Porn is love you can see.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
