Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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