Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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