As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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