I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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