Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Green mimosas i think yes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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