Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
