I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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