my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
