alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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