I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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