i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
