your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
