Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
