Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
