There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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