so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
