New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
