Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
