Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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