That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
