Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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