We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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