Got a toothbrush?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
