Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize