my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
