considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
