Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
