Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He passed out mid-signature
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
