"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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