I'm lost and stupid without you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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