Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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