Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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