areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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