dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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