Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
