Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize