I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
