put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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