I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize