i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
