just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
