he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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