I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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