I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
