eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize