you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
